I’ve been trying to write this post, but struggling to.
It’s been a month since Augusta 70.3 and I took sometime to process my thoughts.
After a 2 week “being proud” period when I rejoiced in my accomplishment and nothing else, I went back and looked at my race data and race experience. I can say that I have no regrets about my race performance. I had a great day and I put in what I felt was my best (and strategic) that day, which was actually amazing since I trusted myself beyond a pace number on the bike.
The rest of the experience … that’s what I’m hesitant to write. Because I DID have such a magnificent race. But …
First – The whole build up to the race day was … unexpected. Sure, I was prepared and I had mentally gone over all my prep with myself and even forced the minions to hear it all. But there was something missing, something that I knew would make a big difference but something that probably wouldn’t happen (I guess I knew it at the back of my mind even though my heart wasn’t willing to accept it). And after one point the day before, I bottled up within a bubble and kept to myself. After all, it was *my* race, *my* efforts, *my* mental state and *my* day. I was calm and nothing affected me on race day, but I had a ton of simmering emotions that I could neither express nor suppress. I just expected more when there was none and it’s hard not to be disappointed; even after revisiting it a month after the race. (VagueBlog much?)
And then – after the race, I ended up in the medical tent with an IV, scaring my poor minions. I never got to enjoy the post race celebrations with friends and never had that milkshake I was longing for. They only let me go from the med tent when they were closing up – when everyone had finished up and gone. It was 9:15pm by the time I ate anything solid that day.
When I look back at race performance, I certainly have no regrets and it was beyond my expectations, but I don’t know if it was truly beyond expectations or if it was below expectations because I had NO expectations to go on – and I’m not used to that in goal races. And a part of me will always wonder …
It sounds very churlish when I write it out, but it’s been on my mind for a while. And if it’s been lingering on my mind that much, I think it needs to be addressed, or atleast written out.
Of course, all these could completely be post-race Blues. I’ve had quite a bit of changes and I haven’t been able to SBR like I wanted to, especially the bike. And I have the huge weight of fundraising for London Marathon on my shoulders. So this down in the dumps post could be from all those; but I wonder if I should just let it go and sign up for more or if I should try to find some closure as to why I feel so dissatisfied.