Last week, I was at an Indian ceremony when a acquaintance exclaimed, “OMG, you’ve grown fat!”
And without knowing how to respond, I tittered (yes, that awkward laugh when you don’t know how exactly to respond).
She wouldn’t let it go, and added, “You run and do so many things and yet you are fat.”
I was shocked.
What … the … what …
After my first reaction of shock wore down, a wave of sadness and resignation washed over.
She wasn’t saying any untruths.
I HAD grown fat with 10-15 extra pounds since last September and Augusta 70.3, and even since London Marathon in April. And who am I kidding? I was fat even as I was training for the race, so this is just me. FAT.
It was all I could do to keep a straight face and not start crying buckets. It got to my very core.
After a long time of beating myself up and stomping all over on my self worth, I started getting angry.
How incredibly rude! How could someone make a remark like that! WTF did she mean by telling a stranger/acquaintance was growing fat, someone you see once a month at the most, less in our case (a large part of it is the familiarity one assumes in my Indian culture)!
And then after the shock, the sadness and the anger had run its course, the only reaction I had left said
eFF it !!
I’d just run 5 easy miles earlier in the morning and damned if my fat body didn’t do that.
I can run with this body (and bike and swim and lift).
I can run with my KIDS with this body, giving us something special to do together. And I can get some alone time with my husband where we both have each other’s undivided attention!
I can chase dreams with this body and I can make it happen.
So yes, I AM fat.
My 155-165lbs scale says so.
My size 10 clothes says so.
My body composition test says so.
Would I like to lose a few pounds? Of course I would!
But so what?
This BODY (not fat, not skinny, not short, not tall, not brown, not white/black, not any other physical attributes you can give a body), this body has done so many incredible things that it never thought possible. This body can do what it’s mind and heart wants it to do.
So, other than the fact that the extra weight slows me down in running and cycling, I don’t care that I’m fat. I don’t care that someone thought that I’m fat even though I run and do other activities.
Fat never stopped me from doing things that I love and never will.
And now … this fat body is off to run with her 10yo as a shakeout run for the minion’s triathlon tomorrow.
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