I have not written much over the past 2 weeks (I have written nothing the past 2 weeks) and before I start back writing again, I have a few confessions in January. Some lightweight, some heavy. What is that they say about writing things down to feel better?
I have had a very very heavy heart this month.
F CANCER. The number of people I’ve seen it affect this past month and two to the other end of hope, I want to bury my head in the sand and only think happy thoughts. I want to envelop them in hugs and help with pain and loss and acceptance, but my only place is to offer thoughts and prayers from afar.
When I desperately want to comfort my friend
My very dear friend is in a pickle of a work situation. The problem solver in me wants to make it all better, I want to do something, I want tell my friend to Eff it all and start afresh, but I know that’s not possible. I want to be there and help shoulder the stress, but my introverted friend won’t accept that. There’s nothing I can do but love and support when my friend is open to accepting it.
When I failed in my resolution
I started a clean eating resolution on Christmas Eve (I find it Christmas Eve to be my magic start date for things to stick). It helped that Carrie organized a support group for everyone. I did great and really didn’t have too many issues sticking to it. Until Jan 19th.
It was the Friday after a whole bunch of snow days and I was working in a different role than my usual, a more physically demanding role. The stress and the fatigue made me throw everything out and I broke the resolution. I got back on for the weekend but then more late days on Tuesday and Wednesday found me going right back to the bad habits. I clearly have some work there to do.
When my workouts were an added stress
When all the extra work stress started out, I tried to squeeze in my workouts. But as I waded deeper into it, I actually started enjoying what I was doing. But it was just consuming me 24/7 and the workouts were an added stress on me. I could not imagine going out for 2hrs for a run leaving work and family behind. This all comes down to better planning – I could’ve made changes anticipating my work levels and the commitments I had with my kids.
When I still have no race to target
I had thought that by the end of January I would’ve had a fall race picked up to target. But I’m still all over about it. I want to do so many things but there hasn’t been one all consuming goal that has stood out for me (other than pursuing the goal that I missed). There’s New York City Marathon that I will be running with Marathon Tours, but I want to enjoy that race vs. focus on a time goal and not miss out on a great experience.
Even though I don’t have an all consuming goal, I’m discovering that I find peace in maintaining a base of 20-25 miles/week with lifting 2-3 times/week. So when people ask, “what are you training for?”, they likely don’t believe my truthful answer,”I don’t know. I haven’t signed up for anything. I’m trying to figure it out.” But then as my old coach Mike retorted when I said the same thing to him (meeting him at a social after almost 2 years!) – When has that ever stopped me.
Writing it all out makes me feel a bit better, like I can move on. I liked it much better when all that I had to worry about was being obsessive about getting my runs in and chauffeuring my kids around.
These are some of the weekly linkups hosted by great bloggers. Check out some of the posts in the linkups.
Meatless Monday – Confessions of a Mother Runner and A Whisk and Two Wands
Tunes Tuesday (first Tuesday of the month) – KookyRunner, Run With No Regrets and RunSteffRun
Tuesdays on the Run –No Guilt Life, MCM Mama Runs, Marcia’s Healthy Slice
Running Coaches Corner – Running on Happy, Suz Lyfe, Crazy Running Girl and Coach Debbie Runs
Friday Five 2.0 –Running on Happy and Fairytales and Fitness