Trying to move past the frustration of running

Trying to move past the frustration of running

I never thought I’d say this and I know that I don’t probably mean it and it is just the frustration speaking – At this moment in time, Saturday 5pm, as I sit defeated after yet another sucky run making it XX sucky runs in a row, I wonder …. (No, it is not just the Atlanta summer, I had horribly slow runs even when running next to the majestic Niagara Falls)

I wonder why I am doing this to myself. Pretty masochist starting a run at 2pm in the peak of Atlanta summer.

I wonder why I NEED to run. There are plenty of other exercises I can do to stay healthy.

I wonder why I make up my mind to chase something that sometimes feel improbable. Especially something I am so bad at. Like really really really bad with a net negative progress over the years (even if I have had short term forward progress that I somehow or the other end up losing)

All that being said – How could I STILL be so utterly in love with something that is beating my spirit up?

Because inspite of all those frustrations, my heart still smiles to put on my running shoes.
Maybe I long for the joy in little things that I sometimes forget to find in the hustle & bustle of everyday life.

I still seek out the runners high which is unlike any other I’ve known. 
Maybe I’m so tied up in everyday life that I forget to have fun and excitement.  

I have even grown to love those unexpected moments when a segment of a run triggers something in me that results in a cascade of sobbing and cleansing tears. 
Maybe the run gives me a release from all the things overloading my mind.

I still find peace when the tiniest of breezes whips through my hair on a run.
Maybe I just want to feel alive. And dream.

Whatever be the reasons, remembering how helpless I felt last year during my injury, I still feel incredibly lucky everyday that I CAN run. I can only accept where I am right now and try my best to improve on what I do. But that doesn’t stop me from being very very frustrated and question myself over and over on my why.

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  • Noelle

    I’ve been in a slump all year! First I thought it was due to nasty winter weather, then I blamed it on work, and now I’m blaming it on heat and some family health situations, but really i think it’s just a slump – and I’ve been questioning my “why” a lot too, since I haven’t had a run that feels smooth or easy in a long time. So, I’m trying to focus on the small pockets of time in each run where I still feel like my old self, and I’m trusting that if I keep showing up, it’ll feel good again eventually. I’m also treating each run as a celebration of my health and ability to get out and go for a run, even if it’s a slow slog in the middle of a hot, humid afternoon, and trying to show myself some grace when I’m disappointed by my lower than usual mileage and motivation.

    I was thinking on my run today about how progress is rarely linear, often (and sometimes especially??) with running. In my opinion, you’re progressing by still getting out there, keeping the momentum going and and getting runs in, even if they don’t look like how you want them to right now. Don’t give up!

  • I hear you! That’s where I’m at right now as well. I remember how much I love running but aren’t really feeling it in the day to day slog of getting back into it. Lovely to read about someone else going through it – makes me feel not so alone!

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