Not being the perfect Mother

Relationships are hard.

Expectations in relationships are harder.

Maintaining relationships that have expectations of certain behavior is even more harder.

Not having open conversations about the expectations in a relationship that you have to maintain is the hardest.

A lot of what I feel is cultural and may not be understood by someone growing up in the US.

Parenting

Indian parents are mostly rigid with their kids with the focus on school rather than outside of school. I’m more of a school rigor will hit in upper middle school/high school, so let us keep it easy while younger. Sore point with those who view my parenting style as too laid back and sometimes self-sabotaging.

Religion

I grew up fairly religious, observing festivals and all. I loved all of that growing up. But also, my relationship with God has always been very personal and it is more spiritual than religious. I have learned to dislike organized religion while still liking the quiet meditative space that I can get at temples at “off-times”.

This has meant me avoiding religious institutions on big festivals and if I have to be honest about it, sometimes the schedule makes it feel like I’m forced to prioritize and those cultural things I grew up with gets sidelined over everyday life here. Another sore point.

Running

Running is important to me. Having a goal and working for it is incredibly important. It keeps me sane and grounded and I feel like that is one aspect of life that I CAN control – no one to blame but me if I don’t perform well. Running longer distances is something I love. Marathoning and chasing the 6 stars has let me visit countries that were on my bucket list, but I never actually ended up going.

While exercising in normal ranges of 1hr/day is viewed as perfect, my longer adventures are apparently a sore point since it takes time away from my kids. I guess the saying ‘when mama is happy, everyone is happy’ doesn’t exist across our cultural boundaries.

I love my folks, and they love me and we will have this relationship no matter what. They have always supported me, but I’m starting to feel that the support is within certain parameters.

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