On the heels of “I hate you” from the Teen, today’s theme is “I am tired” from mom.
Because I am tired.
Very tired of everyday shenanigans.
Very tired of not knowing what I said/did that flipped the switch this time.
Very tired of wondering what it is that the Teen would like me to do.
Tired of not knowing when I am going to snap and make it worse.
I have a couple of girlfriends that I confided in about the Teen’s yo-yoing emotions and my inability to handle it. They helped me talk through and think through when your Teen drains your Emotional Energy.
It is not always my fault
Like I wrote yesterday – I am not the perfect parent. I’ve made mistakes in the past, I make mistakes today and I know I will continue to make mistakes even as I try to learn not to. But surely, I’ve done SOMETHING right? I love the teen dearly and I will do anything to EMPOWER HER to find the path to stability.
Even if only for 30 minutes after the 5 minutes of meditation. I can meditate on my own, but I felt that apps like Headspace, Ten Percent, Calm and even Peloton’s meditation help provide the right music and the right setting for me to sit down for just 5 minute and take deep breaths of mindfulness.
I need to take care of myself
I’m a stress eater and I find that extreme stress like this makes me less likely to run outside. So I NEED to make taking care of myself a priority. I did not do that today and as a result I’m more crushed with bad food choices and no ball slams or a run to burn off the stress
The Teen has to find her way
All this time, I was around to help ‘fix’ whatever the issue she encountered. I never swooped in and I think I encouraged her to look for solutions while offering a helping hand nearby. But now I’m coming to realize that no matter how many times I hear a “You ruined my life”, the un-ruining has to come from herself not me. I can only take a backrow seat and give her the tools to help her to come to the realization that she needs.
Ask for help
There are resources for teens and parents of teens. I’m feeling that what the teen is going through is an extremity of “just being a teenager” and I’m finding that I don’t have the ability to keep peace in the family even though I try very hard. So I’m looking around and asking for help from people who are my support network, and from people who are trained professionals. It is hard, very hard to open up and admit that you are not the supermom you’ve always prided on being.
In the meantime, OM, Namaste; this too shall pass; You ARE a supermom just because you have the ability to love deeply.