I am worth the effort
When I was training for Berlin Marathon and the summer was sucking the soul out of me, I thought that I had hit rock bottom. I was struggling to run sub-14 min/mile, struggling at anything over 90-100 minutes of running (which at my pace is only 6-8 miles) while training for a marathon. The last few weeks leading up to Berlin was the biggest thought of HOW in the world was I going to run for 6 hrs if I struggled to run just 1.5 hours.
After I held it together at Berlin Marathon, I came back full of enthusiasm to run strong in cold weather. I did fall sick a bit (my post-marathon bout) but soon picked my routine back up, with the added Orangetheory classes (8 classes/month package). At 8 weeks after Berlin and 5 weeks after sickness, you’d think that I would be back to running strong.
I am struggling. AGAIN.
It started out as being “too cold” to run when the cold winter wave moved in after summer before Fall had a chance. But then moved to the territory of struggling to breathe while running even with perfect running temperatures.
My weight has crept up (HOW HOW HOW) and I am officially the heaviest I’ve been in almost 8 years. With the added lbs on the scale, my belly looks like it is 7 months pregnant. I put away ALL my clothes and had to buy new sizedup clothes. Even my sports bra is too tight!
The red pinstripe in this photo was bought 2 years ago and I CANNOT EVEN GET THE ENDS TO TOUCH now!!!
My race photos, which used to be my pride with smiles and pride, is something I’m turning away from. And that – THAT is NOT ok with me. I love my race photos and make it a point to smile and I usually have good photos.
These photos are my most recent race photos taken in November, August and September of 2019.
These photos were taken in 2017 when I was at my running best in Oct 2017, March 2018 and April 2018 (2 days before my injury manifested itself)
Strava tells me that I average 5.5 hrs of training/week. I hate hate hate hate being slow even after putting in so much training. ALL I want to do is to be able to run with friends for once instead of always being the loner because I can’t keep up.
Something needs to change. I need to change. My attitude needs to change. My discipline needs to change.
I can’t live in this viciousness of beating myself up. And I know that I won’t stop beating myself or stop trying to better myself.
I believe that I know what is needed to be done. Nutrition is KEY along with lifting and cardio. I only have one of the three covered. I have been making efforts to get down to the others as well.
And I shall – I am worth the effort. I am worth the love. If nothing else, I will not let go without a fight. Hence starts my accountability right here.
I will write TWICE a week about my food (7 days is too long to go), one as a food log/meal prep and another as a share of a recipe that I tried, even if its one that everyone knows. Writing it and having to take a photo will keep me accountable.
Why write it here instead of finding a buddy?
Because I’ve often found it difficult to talk to someone about WHY I made the choice I did and so .. I lie. But I cannot lie to myself, I know what I’m putting in my mouth and I shall be accountable.
I am worth the effort. Let’s see where it takes me.
No more Ms. Nice to myself
I am not going to be “nice” to myself and give myself the permission to eat my feelings. I am worth investing the effort into being who I want to be, and if that is someone who can run a min/mile faster, then I AM worth taking the effort to try to be that.