Assailed by Self Doubts

Assailed by Self Doubts

I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself, my goals and my efforts these days. But when I start to compare or look around, I get assailed by doubts.

After the high I had from finishing my hilly labor day 10k, I signed up for the ING half-marathon in March. I shy away from running. I hate it. But I have been sticking to it and following a training program religiously out of respect for the distance (13.1miles = 21km).

I’m making good progress, but – my pace is horribly slow. A “decent” pace is 11-12 (11minutes/mile-12minutes/mile). Mine is around 14+min/mile. And thats at HALF the 13.1 distance. So I’m assuming my pace will be around 15+ at the full distance. And that … is way way too slow! The cut off pace is 15:15 !!!

Same with swimming. I’m doing good, and laps are easier now. I can swim for one whole hour with just a few minutes break in between (other than the micro mini breaks at the turns). So that translates to about 550yds in 25-30min. Again – toooo slow !!!! The “average” swim time is 550 yds in 15 minutes.

I know that these are things that get better with time. After all, 3 months back I could neither swim 500 yds(8 laps – back and forth together is a lap) nor run 3miles. But its been so disappointing to me.

What is disappointing in it, Guru asks? You’ve been doing this (run and swim) consistently only for a short while (zumba for 3 days/week for 6 months and 30lbs down doesn’t count, I suppose.) How can you expect to be a whiz at it after being stagnant for so long, he says?

Mmmm… I know he’s right. But I don’t want him to be right. I want a miracle answer that will strengthen me overnight. It is so difficult to have the patience to see that in another 2 months, my body would have adapted to the longer distances and my mind/body will allow me to honorably finish.

So – I wallow in self pity ….

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